t alive. I am sooooo much happier now than i was then. Lying awake, alone in bed, waiting. Sitting on the edge of my bed staring at the mirror and wondering what had happened. Pretending that things didn't bother me when they really did. I have realized that I deserved much more than that, and it helps me to remember that now that things have gotten better.
Showing posts with label about me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label about me. Show all posts
Monday, October 5, 2009
A look in the mirror
I can't help but think back to a year or two ago and how miserable and lonely i was. I recall the desperateness i once felt for something that felt real and fel
t alive. I am sooooo much happier now than i was then. Lying awake, alone in bed, waiting. Sitting on the edge of my bed staring at the mirror and wondering what had happened. Pretending that things didn't bother me when they really did. I have realized that I deserved much more than that, and it helps me to remember that now that things have gotten better.
t alive. I am sooooo much happier now than i was then. Lying awake, alone in bed, waiting. Sitting on the edge of my bed staring at the mirror and wondering what had happened. Pretending that things didn't bother me when they really did. I have realized that I deserved much more than that, and it helps me to remember that now that things have gotten better.
Friday, October 2, 2009
A new world
I feel like I've been here before... except it's all Deja Vu.
So I took another 6 month Hiatus from blogging, and a lot has happened in between.
I now have a job in Silver Spring, MD. I really like it. I help patients with a rare disease fund their support group meetings. It is a very satisfying job, especially when I talk to the patients, and they seem very grateful for what we do.
I met a girl. She doesn't live here, but hopefully will soon. For the first time in a long time I am willing to wait for something. I suppose that means that I finally think that I've found something worth waiting for.
I have decided to climb Mt. Rainier this spring. I will be signing up for the trip in the next few weeks when I get the money.
I think I'm going to post my new life to do list soon.
That is all.
So I took another 6 month Hiatus from blogging, and a lot has happened in between.
I now have a job in Silver Spring, MD. I really like it. I help patients with a rare disease fund their support group meetings. It is a very satisfying job, especially when I talk to the patients, and they seem very grateful for what we do.
I met a girl. She doesn't live here, but hopefully will soon. For the first time in a long time I am willing to wait for something. I suppose that means that I finally think that I've found something worth waiting for.
I have decided to climb Mt. Rainier this spring. I will be signing up for the trip in the next few weeks when I get the money.
I think I'm going to post my new life to do list soon.
That is all.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
The Wild
I am watching Into the Wild, instead of studying. But its ok, not a big deal. This movie, in a small way reminds me of myself. Although I find it difficult to think that i could ever just drop everything and hitchhike around the country. But in theory it sounds like a good idea. The freedom that one gains by giving up everything can be quite amazing.
Actually... that makes me think. Most of my favorite movies are about people who give up everything to figure themselves out. Once you strip away all the crap that people collect, and the commercial things people think they need, you are only left with yourself, and that is scary for most people. We just fill the void in ourselves with things, like clothing, devices, cars, expensive houses, etc...
It is very tempting to go into the wild and never come back. Very tempting.
Actually... that makes me think. Most of my favorite movies are about people who give up everything to figure themselves out. Once you strip away all the crap that people collect, and the commercial things people think they need, you are only left with yourself, and that is scary for most people. We just fill the void in ourselves with things, like clothing, devices, cars, expensive houses, etc...
It is very tempting to go into the wild and never come back. Very tempting.
Alone Again
For the first time, for a long time
I have felt very much alone
No one to share with no one who cares
The second I realized that...
by pushing i pulled too hard
I tried to stop, but it was too late
rallying against the quicksand only makes things worse
and now my feet are entrapped in mud
and now my heart is entrapped in stone
Maybe some day they will find my body, fossilized from millenia of neglect
They will wonder what happened to this poor creature
who was left for dead
Then I will break out of my tomb of loneliness
and fly away
For I am evolving
even when I am standing still
I am changing
I can adjust
I can prevail
But now, for the last time
I consider my options
And I realize that in this universe, I am all alone
Sunday, March 23, 2008
About Me
I was inspired by a friend to expose myself (a bit). I think its more therapy for myself than anything else. I wont disclose who I am, although anyone reading this will already know...
1. My last name is a biblical name, a relative of moses. I am an Atheist. I have been since I was 13.
2. I am a very solitary person. However, when I meet a new person I like to find out everything there is to know about them.
4. I like things (tv, books, movies) in which I can picture myself as one of the characters. If I can't personally relate, I probably don't like it.
5. My favorite show is The West Wing. I sometimes envision myself as Josh, but mostly as the President.
6. My favorite book is the "Time Traveler's Wife". I live and die every time I read it. Henry's life with Clare is amazing. I also wish I could time travel.
7. I am very political. I tend to vote Democratic, however there aren't any Democrats that are as socially liberal as I think they should be. If there was an Uber-Democratic party I would vote for them.
8. I love law school. Yes. I said it. I think that probably makes my a masochist. However, I have chosen to be here, and I hate when people complain about how hard it is, and how they hate it. So drop out! Get over it! Nobody is forcing you to be here. Its only 3 years of your life.
9. I miss the worst year of my life. When I was 23 I lived in a shitty apartment and a somewhat-crappy area of DC, with bugs and loud neighbors. However, I miss walking everywhere, riding the metro, listening to my mp3 player, reading on the train, walking home at 11pm from school listening to Dashboard, thinking how sad my life was. I miss that SO much.
10. I miss the best year of my life. When I was 22 I met R. She is by far the best thing that ever happened to me. Smart, Sexy, Fiery and bold. That first year was amazing. We experienced things together for the first time. We went places, like NY, Philly and DC and it was amazing. We had sex. Alot. We had a ton of fun. We were totally in love.
11. I fucked up #10 real bad. It will never be the same.
12. I run. I don't particularly enjoy it, but it is something I am proud of. I finished the Marine Corps Marathon a few years ago. Every time I wanted to stop, I thought to myself. I am doing this for people who can't get out of bed and walk, let alone run 26.2 miles. I raised thousands of dollars for people with AIDS/HIV.
13. I play the guitar. I never got as good as I had wanted. I was decent, but I faked it more than i made it. I miss playing in my old band.
14. I have always wanted to have a Harley.
15. I want to save the world. Whether it is as a leader (president, governor) or 1 person at a time as a lawyer. I vow to dedicate myself to helping people who have trouble helping themselves.
16. My eye sight is horrible.
17. I like to be the person that others come to for advice and knowledge. I don't like going to others for the same.
18. I like the idea of vacations. I don't always enjoy them, however.
19. I hate going to the gym. But I do it anyway.
20. I buy a new Dr. Grip pen for my first exam each year. I don't care if I have one, I need a new one in order to write an exam.
21. I am a Barack Obama supporter. If he doesn't get the nomination I WILL NOT vote for Hillary of John McCain. How can you choose between McDonalds and Burger King when you had Filet Mingon last night.
22. I feel like I don't have any friends.
23. I always thought I had a bad childhood. It turns out that it really wasn't as bad as I thought it was at the time.
24. I hated going to private schook K-4th grade. Even at that oung age I knew that it was too elitist and white, and that I needed more diversity. I went to public school starting in 5th grade.
25. I hated public school. I got picked on for being the new kid. I was geeky and had funny glasses. I liked to read books. I liked the Giants in Eagles country. It was awful. I had not friends. I wouldn't trade that experience for the world.
26. I had my first kiss at 14.
27. I lost my virginity at 14. I still can't find it.
28. Fight Club changed my life. At the time I first saw the movie, I had dropped out of college, and was very depressed. The part was where they pull the convenience store clerk and ask him if he would rather be dead than go back to school. I decided to go back to school.
29. I feel that if people knew the real me they would be scared.
30. I used to want to be a high school history teacher, a psychologist, a forensic criminologist, an FBI agent, a Biological anthropologist, a primateologist, get a PhD is History, and go to grad school in Government. That was all since I started college, and all before I decided to go to law school.
31. If I wasn't in law school, I would probably be pursuing a PhD in Biological Anthropology.
32. I am sad often, thinking that the best is behind me. See #10.
33. I fear that I am going to die young, from disease like cancer or AIDS.
24. I feel lonely when i am home alone
25. I love to hate TV, but really i like watching tv sometimes.
26. I associate music with events that happened around the same time.
Wallflowers One Headlight was my favorite song the day I got my drivers license.
Toad the Wet Sprocket's Fall Down reminds me of a girl i liked in 7th grade.
Smashing Pumpkins 1979 reminds me of driving around in the summer with my windows open.
27. I like Yuengling beer
28. I don't like kids. I don't want kids. I don't think that your kid is cure. Yeah, its true, get over it.
29. I don't have a 'type' when it comes to girls. I have features that I like, like nice lips, intelligent, and fun, but other than that I don't really have preferences.
30. I like some kinds of pain. I enjoyed getting my nipples pierced.
31. I read Postsecret religiously every sunday morning.
32. I've always wanted to write a book. I've never gotten past the second chapter on any of them.
33. I realized that I was done playing in bands one night unloading my half-stack at 3 am in a foot of snow.
34. I went skydiving. It was a big thrill, but not big enough.
35. I want to rock climb more often.
36. I've been to several nude beaches. I like nude beaches.
37. I was disapointed that when I went to the Galapagos I didn't see a whale shark.
38. I have been a manager at both big chain bookstores, and I hate both of them.
39. I can snap with my middle finger, ring finger and pinkey
40. I cheated on my first girlfriend, with my 2nd girlfriend. After I broke up with #1, she went through several years of a crappy life, doinig drugs, going out with seedy guys and stuff. I've always wondered if it might have been partly my fault.
41. My first concert was Green Day in 1994. My favorite concert was Pearl Jam in Camden in 2000, b/c I was in the 2nd row.
42. I don't relate to most white people. I feel like a minority that looks like a majority.
43. I cry everytime I watch the Obama video. http://www.dipdive.com/dip-politics/ywc/
44. I was a Nader supporter until I was driving to the polls. I voted for Gore.
45. I love science, but I am horrible at it.
46. I haven't been able to give blood since 2000 because I have Lymes disease.
47. I HATE reality tv
48. Alot of my friends are asses
49. I have a fear of being alone. Although I love my 'me' time.
50. I worry about living up to my potential. If I live up to it, then what will I do afterwards. It's only downhill.
1. My last name is a biblical name, a relative of moses. I am an Atheist. I have been since I was 13.
2. I am a very solitary person. However, when I meet a new person I like to find out everything there is to know about them.
4. I like things (tv, books, movies) in which I can picture myself as one of the characters. If I can't personally relate, I probably don't like it.
5. My favorite show is The West Wing. I sometimes envision myself as Josh, but mostly as the President.
6. My favorite book is the "Time Traveler's Wife". I live and die every time I read it. Henry's life with Clare is amazing. I also wish I could time travel.
7. I am very political. I tend to vote Democratic, however there aren't any Democrats that are as socially liberal as I think they should be. If there was an Uber-Democratic party I would vote for them.
8. I love law school. Yes. I said it. I think that probably makes my a masochist. However, I have chosen to be here, and I hate when people complain about how hard it is, and how they hate it. So drop out! Get over it! Nobody is forcing you to be here. Its only 3 years of your life.
9. I miss the worst year of my life. When I was 23 I lived in a shitty apartment and a somewhat-crappy area of DC, with bugs and loud neighbors. However, I miss walking everywhere, riding the metro, listening to my mp3 player, reading on the train, walking home at 11pm from school listening to Dashboard, thinking how sad my life was. I miss that SO much.
10. I miss the best year of my life. When I was 22 I met R. She is by far the best thing that ever happened to me. Smart, Sexy, Fiery and bold. That first year was amazing. We experienced things together for the first time. We went places, like NY, Philly and DC and it was amazing. We had sex. Alot. We had a ton of fun. We were totally in love.
11. I fucked up #10 real bad. It will never be the same.
12. I run. I don't particularly enjoy it, but it is something I am proud of. I finished the Marine Corps Marathon a few years ago. Every time I wanted to stop, I thought to myself. I am doing this for people who can't get out of bed and walk, let alone run 26.2 miles. I raised thousands of dollars for people with AIDS/HIV.
13. I play the guitar. I never got as good as I had wanted. I was decent, but I faked it more than i made it. I miss playing in my old band.
14. I have always wanted to have a Harley.
15. I want to save the world. Whether it is as a leader (president, governor) or 1 person at a time as a lawyer. I vow to dedicate myself to helping people who have trouble helping themselves.
16. My eye sight is horrible.
17. I like to be the person that others come to for advice and knowledge. I don't like going to others for the same.
18. I like the idea of vacations. I don't always enjoy them, however.
19. I hate going to the gym. But I do it anyway.
20. I buy a new Dr. Grip pen for my first exam each year. I don't care if I have one, I need a new one in order to write an exam.
21. I am a Barack Obama supporter. If he doesn't get the nomination I WILL NOT vote for Hillary of John McCain. How can you choose between McDonalds and Burger King when you had Filet Mingon last night.
22. I feel like I don't have any friends.
23. I always thought I had a bad childhood. It turns out that it really wasn't as bad as I thought it was at the time.
24. I hated going to private schook K-4th grade. Even at that oung age I knew that it was too elitist and white, and that I needed more diversity. I went to public school starting in 5th grade.
25. I hated public school. I got picked on for being the new kid. I was geeky and had funny glasses. I liked to read books. I liked the Giants in Eagles country. It was awful. I had not friends. I wouldn't trade that experience for the world.
26. I had my first kiss at 14.
27. I lost my virginity at 14. I still can't find it.
28. Fight Club changed my life. At the time I first saw the movie, I had dropped out of college, and was very depressed. The part was where they pull the convenience store clerk and ask him if he would rather be dead than go back to school. I decided to go back to school.
29. I feel that if people knew the real me they would be scared.
30. I used to want to be a high school history teacher, a psychologist, a forensic criminologist, an FBI agent, a Biological anthropologist, a primateologist, get a PhD is History, and go to grad school in Government. That was all since I started college, and all before I decided to go to law school.
31. If I wasn't in law school, I would probably be pursuing a PhD in Biological Anthropology.
32. I am sad often, thinking that the best is behind me. See #10.
33. I fear that I am going to die young, from disease like cancer or AIDS.
24. I feel lonely when i am home alone
25. I love to hate TV, but really i like watching tv sometimes.
26. I associate music with events that happened around the same time.
Wallflowers One Headlight was my favorite song the day I got my drivers license.
Toad the Wet Sprocket's Fall Down reminds me of a girl i liked in 7th grade.
Smashing Pumpkins 1979 reminds me of driving around in the summer with my windows open.
27. I like Yuengling beer
28. I don't like kids. I don't want kids. I don't think that your kid is cure. Yeah, its true, get over it.
29. I don't have a 'type' when it comes to girls. I have features that I like, like nice lips, intelligent, and fun, but other than that I don't really have preferences.
30. I like some kinds of pain. I enjoyed getting my nipples pierced.
31. I read Postsecret religiously every sunday morning.
32. I've always wanted to write a book. I've never gotten past the second chapter on any of them.
33. I realized that I was done playing in bands one night unloading my half-stack at 3 am in a foot of snow.
34. I went skydiving. It was a big thrill, but not big enough.
35. I want to rock climb more often.
36. I've been to several nude beaches. I like nude beaches.
37. I was disapointed that when I went to the Galapagos I didn't see a whale shark.
38. I have been a manager at both big chain bookstores, and I hate both of them.
39. I can snap with my middle finger, ring finger and pinkey
40. I cheated on my first girlfriend, with my 2nd girlfriend. After I broke up with #1, she went through several years of a crappy life, doinig drugs, going out with seedy guys and stuff. I've always wondered if it might have been partly my fault.
41. My first concert was Green Day in 1994. My favorite concert was Pearl Jam in Camden in 2000, b/c I was in the 2nd row.
42. I don't relate to most white people. I feel like a minority that looks like a majority.
43. I cry everytime I watch the Obama video. http://www.dipdive.com/dip-politics/ywc/
44. I was a Nader supporter until I was driving to the polls. I voted for Gore.
45. I love science, but I am horrible at it.
46. I haven't been able to give blood since 2000 because I have Lymes disease.
47. I HATE reality tv
48. Alot of my friends are asses
49. I have a fear of being alone. Although I love my 'me' time.
50. I worry about living up to my potential. If I live up to it, then what will I do afterwards. It's only downhill.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
